The last few days have been hard. Lots of feelings of being not good enough, useless, worthless.
It took a good week but I talked to the sister missionaries about getting a priesthood blessing. I finally got one from the branch president from YSA. It was needed. I was beyond needing it.
I know have a bit of a glimps in to what I need to do for Heavenly Father to bless me more.
I feel like I'm needing to step back and enjoy the ride in my relationship. I know my boyfriend is not in the same place I am.
Where I am at is I want a partner to help me with the kids. Someone to take an active help in the family. Someone to help with discipline, and be that person I can lean on and tap out to if things get too much. And truthfully I want that physical relationship too. After being previously married for a long time, I miss that, and I see him being the one I can be comfortable doing everything with.
Right now he has a lot on his own plate. And coming in to a situation where he would be an instant parent is hard. I'm not sure if he is ready for 3 kids.
This weekend is a woman's conference. I really want to go but can't find a sitter for them. I asked my boyfriend and it looks like I'm going to be just sticking him in the hot pot... I know your supposed to let the frog sit in the water as it warms to a boil... Well he is getting stuck in at a full boil.
I'm continuing to pray. It's hard because I know he would be an amazing helpmeet. But my life is in chaos as I don't have that person to help me. To give me time off so I can clean and organize. To help with discipline. And boy am I having discipline issues with my kids. My kids are craving a father in there life. So badly. It's been almost 6 weeks since there father has seen them. They just want a father figure. It's hard.
Tonight I'm off to my ladies book club. It's really just a drinking social night. My first as a Mormon. I have not drank alcohol since a few weeks before I was baptized. This is going to be hard to go but I need to socialize with my friends I have not seen in a long time.
Just one day at a time.
Glad to hear that you got the blessing you wanted and needed.
ReplyDeleteI'll say a prayer for your boyfriend...*grins*
So...how did your Ladies Book Club go? Was it difficult?
It was very very difficult...
DeleteFirst time out since I stopped drinking... Was questioned, pushed. It was hard. Leading to enjoy without drinking
I am the only member in my family, and in fact, I made the decision not to drink BEFORE I became a member of the Church.
ReplyDeleteBut it has always been a running joke in my family at family gatherings to ask not IF I wanted on but what kind or try to hand me a drink.
With friends...with some of them it took a while. It was like "What part of I don't drink alcohol confuses you? Because the next time you ask me that, my answer will still be no."
Other friends actually started answering for me. *grins*
I said a prayer for you when you were at your book club.
It DOES get easier.
thank you.... I'm the only member in my family too
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