Baptism day part I

It's almost 5 am on the day of my baptism into the LDS church... I never thought I would be here. I was against the church for so many reasons. But the Heavenly Father keeps pulling me back.

Lyrics of music keep going though my head:

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King

It keeps going though my head that I AM a child of God. That the Heavenly Father is my daddy. That like my children I can crawl in to his lap and ask for forgiveness when I do wrong, because as my Heavenly Father he has unconditional love. That is truly amazing. God loves me no matter what. No matter how many times I turned away from him. No matter how many times I have been angry or hurt him he has still called me by name and opened his arms for me. His love for ME will never end... Never.

I'm sitting in bed with tears just dropping from my eyes. Thinking about everything I have done in life and how our Heavenly Father was still there.

I have not had that easy of a life. Done of it was my choice and things I chose to do and some of it was what life gave me. Our Heavenly Father has been there though each and every step. He was there crying with me when I was raped. He was crying with me when my husband hit me for the first time. Our Heavenly Father was also there that day I was so done and was going to kill myself. Heavenly Father put a peace in my heart and shook me out of it. He was also there with me the day I held my moms hand and watched her take her last breath.

Some days I feel so alone but He was always there. Heavenly Father has put the most amazing people in my life. Just when I was done and bitter he put someone in my life that brought me back. Who has helped me turn my eyes back to the Heavenly Father and feel the love he has for me even when I don't love myself.

These lyrics have touched my heart:
I'm forgiven cause You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me
'Cause You died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be?
That You, my King would die for me?
Amazing love, I know its true
It's my joy to honor You
In all I do, I honour you.

Out Heavenly Father sent his son here. To die for ME. To take my blame, my sin, everything I have done wrong. He was nailed upon a cross, hurt beyond anything and still asked our Heavenly Father to forgive us all.

As I go through today and think about this all. I am stepping in to a moment in my life where I am asking for forgiveness and our Heavenly Father is looking at me and says YES I have never turned my back on you and have been hear waiting. You are forgiven.

Some days I think it would be better if Heavenly Father showed to us as a burning bush, or came to us in a vision. But he has come to me through many people.

He came to me as a young teen who shared to me a bit of his LDS faith. He cane to me as a tour through the Vancouver temple when it was first built. Then with putting missionary's in my life just before my mom died. Then as I was done and turning away he put a man in my life who shared with me. Who for some reason I asked to go to church with him and he took me. He has sent me texts with bible and Book of Mormon verses in it. They are exactly what I need at that moment. He has showed me Christ like love and introduced me to people in the ward and to the sister missionary's. These two sisters have shown me so much love. I know that they truly care for me. These two young woman have become a light in my life.

I'm scared about tonight. I'm not one to like being the centre of attention. But I know I'm there to show our Heavenly Father that I love him and I'm making that outward promise to follow him. To follow the commandments.

I know Heavenly Father is with me. That he will bless me with this amazing peace. I can't wait to get in there and spend time in prayer and reading the scripture before.