I had to block my ex boyfriend from Facebook, Instagram and snapchat. It was the day after my friend D's baptism and he came to the baptism and I told him that I needed to stop contact or I would never get over him. Well he ended up liking a bunch of posts on my Instagram account. Hurt like anything.
I miss him. I love him. I feel rejected for bettering myself by going back to school. I feel like I was not good enough for him. Like I did not make him happy. It hurt.
I have been having feelings for a guy from Utah named D. We went to 2 sessions of conference together, went to a return missionaries party. It was great. I wanted to kiss him so bad when I was down there. But I just could not do it.
We had been talking for a few months and I have opened up to him about everything. Everything. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Well, after I got back I laid out all my feelings for him. He didn't say anything. We talked. And then he called and we talked about other things, but not that and then ended the conversation. He has not read any of my recent Facebook messages I sent him. He is usually good at that.
It just hurts. I put myself out there. This guy is amazing. Just super amazing Godly man who would be an awesome addition to my life. But no response. Makes me feel like no one is going to want me as damaged as I am.
And then D my friend who was baptized. We went out on a few days. We actually were engaged 2 years ago but I broke it off. Well he has been distant since his conformation.
Things have been really stressful. Thanksgiving weekend we had a leak in our roof. My landlord is out of country to boot. Had water pouring out my light fixture. I got home from my pathways class to water leaking in one of my front windows. Thank goodness it was where the kitty litter was! Then this morning the light fixture again.
I'm just exhausted. I'm done. I'm the only adult in the house doing everything. My two oldest are special needs and my house is a trashed mess. I'm just done.
I do all the cooking, cleaning, bill paying, repairs, getting people to appointments, taking care of everything. I'm just exhausted and done. I'm so tired of it all. I have to take care of everyone but I have no one to take care of me. It really bites being a single parent. I would have never chosen this life. It's crazy how things change from expected.
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