Road trip!

So last month I took a road trip with my kids and boyfriend. It was an amazing time. 

My kids love him so much and behave with him. When all of us are together things run so smoothly. 

The road trip had a few bumps here and there. But a together it was amazing! 

The drive up to grande prairie was amazing. First time my kids remember driving through the Rockies. We listens to conference talks, chatted, and had fun! 

We went up there for one of my best friends 30th birthday. Was great to hang out and chill. She is one of those friends who no matter how long you are apart you just pick up where you left off! 

I got to see my boyfriend interact with my kids, with the other kids there, and my friends. I fell in love with this man a over again! 

It was hard during the party. It was my first big party being sober. I usually am the one doing vodka or pornstar shots. Was so different drinking just Diet Coke. 

Thankfully I have amazing friends who made it no big deal. I played beer pong for the first time, but with no beer. And played some fun card games.

We went to sacrament at 9am the night after the party. Then we drove to Edmonton. Spent a night at a hotel then we went the Edmonton temple. 

My kids went for the first time. It was good to think and to get guidance. And pray. I have been going through a lot of emotional things and I need to just go sit in the temple grounds right now but don't think I will get there for awhile. 

We hit an LDS book store after and I spent way way too much. But it's good. We then drove back home. Got home super super late. 

This trip is when my children fell in love with him. When they ask when he is coming over. When they want to go out with him. When they ask if he can come to there field trips at school. When they ask for him to help with homework. When they go out together to the comic book store and hang out without me for a few hours. When he comes home so super excited and full of happiness. 

It's been six months with this man. There have been more ups then down. I know where I want this to go. But I'm waiting to get confirmation from the spirit. 

I think I'll touch more on this in another post tomorrow 

Pride month!

It's been awhile! Sorry for no real posts in the last while. 

It's pride month. Some of you may not know that I'm a LGBTQ ally and I have. Heart for our transgender brothers and sisters out there. 

As its pride month one of my boyfriends roommates made me a set of Ill go with you pins!  It made me so happy as transgender kids/teens have only have a 50% chance of making it to age 18!!! That's so sad isn't it? 

These kids have so many things stacked against them. They are currently being killed and murdered by there parents, friends, family, dating partners, and the community. 

One death in the transgender community stuck out to me. This trans woman was run over and the sick person backed up and ran over her again and again. This murder did not get national headline news, it was hidden away. Not cool. This is one of heavenly fathers children! 

So with it being pride this month in asking you to find one way to show your love to our lgbtq community. 

You can pick up these pins on etsy at 

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/281669752/set-of-2-lgbtq-illgowithyou-trans-ally

Love me, But you need to love my kids.

Yesterday I had a spat with my boyfriend. It really hurt me as I care deeply about this man. I feel like he could be a future spouse. I care about his needs before my own. I want to see him happy, and prosper, and to be the best he can be. I truly do love him. 

But being a single mother, my kids are top in my life. There dad has been checked out of there life for quite some time. Is it a bad thing that I want a good man to be a role model in there life? 

Is it wrong that in my dating relationship I want someone who could be there and love my kids just as much as he loves me? Someone who wants to spend time with the kids? Who asks to go with us to do things? Someone who will pull my kids aside and read the bible with them. 

I want a man who will want to come to sacrament with us. One who wants to help me take care of my kids during the service when they start getting antzy. One who wants to take my kids to the park to run and play. One who wants to go out with them and myself. 

I know my three kids can be a handful. I know my three kids are not the most well behaved kids. I know my kids have me in tears more often then not. But is it bad that I want a man to be there to help wipe my tears and help me with my children?

Yesterday I was angry and upset. I was hurt because my children's behaviour is driving a wedge with my boyfriend wanting to spend time with me and my children. But I need to re think that. My boyfriend should be wanting to spend time with my family and I. He should be asking to do things with my kids and I. He should want to be there with me. 

Back in January I did not want to marry. I never saw myself getting married again as I did not want to be hurt again. But now, 5 months later I want to get married some day. I want support of a spouse. I want that happiness. I want that man I can pray with before bed. I want that man who can give me a preasthood blessing when I'm hurt emotionally. I want that man who can pray with my children and guide them. 

Will I ever find this man? I don't know. Will I keep praying for him. Yes. 

 

Finally done with police....

Finally finished with police...   Yep it's a txt you never want to get from a loved one. Today after I was done at the vets office (my 3 legged cat is sick and not sure what is wrong but that's for another day) I got that as a reply from my boyfriend.

I found out that he was hit from behind by a driver in a small car. He then told me that the other drivers car is a write off and all the airbags went off.

This scared me beyond belief as first I was worried about his physical health. That he was on an adrenalin high and would not feel any injury.

Second I was scared because I really care about him. And I sent him these words after he assured me that he was ok.

"I care about you so much I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I know it was not that bad but I care about you a lot. More then I can put in to words right now."

I love this amazing man. We can't go without texting each other multiple times a day. I feel lost without his txts. I truly care for him and want to make sure his needs are met, and that he is taken care of. And the most amazing thing is he takes care of my needs. He is a gift from Heavenly Father at the right time.

Be the person you want to marry

I started talking to someone. And was given some great advice. She suggested to write down what i want in a future husband and to strive to be that. so here is goes in random order.

• will tell me all that he is thinking and be there to hear everything that I'm thinking. 
• who will be romantic and show me physicaly and verbally that he loves me. 
• who will love my kids just as much as I love them. 
• will want to pray with me every day
• will want to work on issues and sit down and fix them. 
• who will push me to be the best that i can be
• who will help me with house work, and things that need to be done
• who i can laugh with
• who will be there when I'm sad and depressed and just hold me
• who will be there in the good and in the bad
• who will love me. 
• who will want the best for me
• who will want the best for my kids
• someone who will put my needs over his, and will let me put his needs over mine. 
• who will be my equal
• who will put 100% in to the relationship as i will put 100% in. 
• will understand that we may need time apart when we are mad at each other but want to fix things. 
• will want to travel. I love to travel. 
• will listen to all my silly hopes and dreams
• will wipe away my tears
• will love me no matter what. 
• will always try. no quitting in the relationship. 
• will be faithful. 

now to try to be this person for my future husband.

Truly evolved man will treat you differently

I was reading a article on how a truly evolved man will treat you differently then any other guy. I thought I would look at its points.

1. You will share the drivers seats.
Well the guy I'm seeing is an introvert. He does give me the option to choose most things, but when I give him the choice it's great. I like it that we both can switch. I wish he would choose more often.
2. They will see things in a way you may never have.
So true! He always gives me another perspective. Kindly telling me if I'm too upset, how to look at it from the other perspective and if I'm letting myself get walked all over.
3. They will challenge your shit.
 True. This man pushes me to be a better mother, girlfriend, and most of all child of God!
4. You might not feel loved.
True. I'm so used to physical only relationship. But when he cares that I'm safe when busing around, or that I have eaten, or if I'm sleeping enough. I'm used to physical kissy and sexual. But this man cares and makes sure I'm fully cared for.
5. You will love beyond what you've ever known.
Yes! This man cares about me and wants to push me to be the best I can be both physically and spiritually. He knows exactly what I need and try's with his whole power to do it or get it.
6. Communication will be his greatest strength.
Well we are working on communication but we have great conversations. I know it's just a thing for us to slowly work on.


Now I'm learning to be the type of partner I want. I'm trying hard to keep my cell use to a minimum when out. I'm trying to love like I want to be loved, and be the type of person I want to love me.

I keep thinking of proverbs 31, and striving to be that sort of woman for my future spouse.

Listening to the spirit

Im still trying to listen to the spirit. Its hard sometimes when you want something but are not sure if it is the spirit talking or your own wants.

I had a good talk with a few friends about it. Got some good advice.

K gave me this advice:

That can be an hour long conversation. Lol 😱 I'm still learning every day. If I feel good about a certain path and pray about it and still feel good about it, I have confidence in that decision. Sometimes I start to go down a certain path and there is second guessing and confusion and that can be confirmation to try a different path. Usually if you have a thought and it is a righteous desire or a righteous choice, that is the spirit. Also, the more you act on those thoughts from the spirit, the better you will get at recognizing how the spirit speaks to you and he will speak to you more because he knows you will act. I hope that makes sense.


Its hard when you are unsure of if its your want or the the spirit speaking.

But Im happy for a change. Im feeling good. In my talks with friends they said if I feel good and i don't have anxiety or questions then its from Heavenly Father.

Now if I can just work on patience. As a mother we teach our kids about patience and learning how to be patient. But its hard when you think you know the time is right.

now to take time to work on me. Time to pull out the paper journal and get working,