Why am I here?

This blog has been a place for me to share my feelings as I converted to being a Mormon. I joined a few moms LDS groups on facebook and a lot of the woman were telling me as my baptism date was approaching to go ahead and write it all down as I would want to remember everything.

I used to blog way back when I was younger, when the internet was younger, and when you used dial up. Oh my am I giving away my age now?

I started off with Open Diary, then it turned paid and as a teen without a credit card I transferred it all over to Free Open diary…. Then I heard about LiveJournal. But you needed a code to get in there or to pay for it. I somehow managed to get a code to get a LiveJournal and I started over there. I have made a few good friends that I still keep in touch with to this day. One is a mom friend who lives about 45 min drive from me. We met on a pregnancy group and we both have kids born in the same year. The other is a young woman from the east coast. I have followed her off an on, she was in collage when we first started talking on our LiveJournals. She is an amazing woman and she now works in a hospital and has a cookie Monday for her friends at work and is an amazing cook.

I decided to get back to bloging. Writing has always been a favorite thing of mine. Getting my thoughts on to paper, pouring my heart out. Once I had kids things I loved got pushed to the back burner. The same thing happened a few years before when I got married. I pushed things to the back to be a good wife. To try to be that perfect wife. Then to try to be that perfect mother.

Its only been recently that I have met new people in my life through the YSA that im attending and realizing that I need to get back in to the things I love. There is a young man who is in art school at the YSA I attend. He brought his sketch book to service last Sunday. When there was time between sacrament and a baptism he pulled his book out and was sketching. I was looking as he was drawing in the pew ahead of me. Looking at the joy on his face as he was sketching away, the multiple sketches on the pages. Made me think about how my joy doing things in life have been put on the back burner. How I have been taking care of everyone else but myself.

Now how can I get that balance? Well I think im doing a good thing by writing here. Im starting to get my thoughts and feelings and emotions out. Some of my posts here have almost 100 views. Its crazy because I never thought people would want to hear my ramblings. My thoughts my feelings. I always hoped I would get more comments but as long as people are looking at my blog post I hope they feel the spirit move through my words and move them.

I think this post has left me with more questions then answers. But that’s a good thing. Things for me to go pray upon. To read the scripture. To ponder on. Because after all, I don’t have the answers, you don’t have the answers, but heavenly father does.