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Wednesday 4 May 2016

Love me, But you need to love my kids.

Yesterday I had a spat with my boyfriend. It really hurt me as I care deeply about this man. I feel like he could be a future spouse. I care about his needs before my own. I want to see him happy, and prosper, and to be the best he can be. I truly do love him. 

But being a single mother, my kids are top in my life. There dad has been checked out of there life for quite some time. Is it a bad thing that I want a good man to be a role model in there life? 

Is it wrong that in my dating relationship I want someone who could be there and love my kids just as much as he loves me? Someone who wants to spend time with the kids? Who asks to go with us to do things? Someone who will pull my kids aside and read the bible with them. 

I want a man who will want to come to sacrament with us. One who wants to help me take care of my kids during the service when they start getting antzy. One who wants to take my kids to the park to run and play. One who wants to go out with them and myself. 

I know my three kids can be a handful. I know my three kids are not the most well behaved kids. I know my kids have me in tears more often then not. But is it bad that I want a man to be there to help wipe my tears and help me with my children?

Yesterday I was angry and upset. I was hurt because my children's behaviour is driving a wedge with my boyfriend wanting to spend time with me and my children. But I need to re think that. My boyfriend should be wanting to spend time with my family and I. He should be asking to do things with my kids and I. He should want to be there with me. 

Back in January I did not want to marry. I never saw myself getting married again as I did not want to be hurt again. But now, 5 months later I want to get married some day. I want support of a spouse. I want that happiness. I want that man I can pray with before bed. I want that man who can give me a preasthood blessing when I'm hurt emotionally. I want that man who can pray with my children and guide them. 

Will I ever find this man? I don't know. Will I keep praying for him. Yes.